A family member posted a comment to her status regarding a Fundamentalist Mormon reality television show and somehow same sex marriage came up. The angst seemed to stem from the word marriage for same sex couples. I responded with questions:
-quote-
How does calling same sex marriage a marriage something that is wrong?
How is marriage only limited to a man & a woman? How does 2 men or 2 women who want to have their commitment recognized by the state threaten or effect your ma...rriage?
No other heterosexual couples' marriage diminishes the meaning & value of yours to your husband.
Why is it that heterosexual couples can marry & divorce faster than you can say "Britney Spears" and not two other people who have been together for 20 years already?
I have a lot more questions on this subject because it boggles my mind that 2 people who love each other cannot get married. Marriage rights for all is something I care about significantly. I hope I can learn more about what your thoughts are on this rather divisive issue...and I am grateful you have such a wonderful husband/father of your children/partner/lover/and
Please think about a couple that has that same love for each other...but they just happen to be gay.
How is celebrating love so wrong?
-end quote-
This was my response to her comment. When one states that it is merely their opinion and does not back it up with why, I provide more information in the hopes of education, thereby squashing fear. It is only through communication and education that this society can flourish and grow.
My response:
I understand not wanting to get into a long debate. Regardless, I would like to address your points and ask more questions. Indeed, the way we think is quite different from each other. Nevertheless, I love you and respect our differences. I value your opinion and I believe that it is through discussion that we can grow and learn as individuals.
Firstly - what would my opinion on the Arizona law SB 1070 matter? It is a completely different issue. This is a discussion about why people/fellow citizens of this country should not be discriminated against and be allowed to marry. Note - to tie it back into the Fundamentalist Mormons - I point to Warren Jeffs, taking *children* and forcing them to marry adults.
We're talking about consenting adults that love each other and want to marry. - How would you feel if your marriage was put to a vote or suddenly nullified because other people just didn't agree that using the word marriage was wrong in the case of you and Ben?
- What are your thoughts on interracial marriage? - It was not too long ago that blacks and whites were not allowed to marry.
Why does the word 'marriage' upset you? It is the legal union of a couple as spouses. The basic elements of a marriage are: (1) the parties' legal ability to marry each other, (2) mutual consent of the parties, and (3) a marriage contract as required by law.
- taken from: http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/marriage
The rest is something that is tied to a rather unfortunate lack of separation of church and state.
What does salt and pepper have to do with it as well? Let's see if we can call salt (same sex marriage) pepper by the above legal definitions.
1 - Right now, it's legal in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C., and - well...California, again.
(Bringing it back to the Mormons - Millions was raised and spent by out-of-state Mormons who wanted to interfere in the private married lives of Californians. I know that I don't make campaign contributions to representatives from other states because, it doesn't affect me. Why would anyone worry about what other people in another state are doing with regards to marriage??)
States which recognize same-sex marriage but do not grant same-sex marriage licenses: New York, Rhode Island, and Maryland.
- So that ticks off #1 - in the places where it is legal, it's a marriage!
2 - Consent. These people want to get married and create a binding and legal contract to celebrate their commitment and love for one another. This fulfills #2 above.
3 - Obtaining a marriage license involves the consent question above and in some states a test for STDs. The signing of the license is the marriage contract. Everything else in between is up to the couple. But boy howdy, does it make it easier to obtain the over 1,000 benefits that come with marriage.
Here are a few of the 1,138 benefits the United States government provides to legally married couples:
Access to Military Stores
Assumption of Spouse’s Pension
Bereavement Leave
Immigration
Insurance Breaks
Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner
Sick Leave to Care for Partner
Social Security Survivor Benefits
Sick Leave to Care for Partner
Tax Breaks
Veteran’s Discounts
Visitation of Partner in Hospital or Prison
Here are a few of the state level benefits within the United States:
Assumption of Spouse’s Pension
Automatic Inheritance
Child Custody
Crime Victim’s Recovery Benefits
Divorce Protections
Domestic Violence Protection
Exemption from Property Tax on Partner’s Death
Insurance Breaks
Joint Adoption and Foster Care
Joint Parenting (Insurance Coverage, School Records)
Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner
Certain Property Rights
Sick Leave to Care for Partner
Visitation of Partner in Hospital or Prison
The full list of benefits is here:
http://www.gao.gov/archive/1997/og97016.pdf
I am bisexual. Here's the latest definition from the American Psychological Association: “Bisexual persons can experience sexual, emotional and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex." I can and have loved both men and women - not necessarily at the same time! It means that while I'm not required to love the same gender or even the opposite gender - I do. I was born this way.
It does not mean I should have to jump through hoops and legal battles if I am fortunate to find love and want to marry a woman. Heterosexual couples do not have to do this.
Much like freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose...marriage is an opportunity to tell the world that this person, my partner..my love is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. What is wrong about love?
I hope you are having a good summer as well and I hope that I've shared some information that may help you to understand why this issue matters to me.
